


For Tony

by the_only_education_worth_having



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Babies, Crying, Dont say I didnt warn ya, EVERYONES HEARTBROKEN, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Infinity War spoilers, LIKE ME POST INFINITY WAR, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pregnancy, Sad, Unplanned Pregnancy, friends - Freeform, steves a sweetie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 13:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14594259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_only_education_worth_having/pseuds/the_only_education_worth_having
Summary: Tony was never good at picking up the pieces.It's even harder to do when you don't have the chance.





	For Tony

**Author's Note:**

> INFINITY WAR WAS SUCKY AND I HATE EVERYTHING.   
> No need for it to end like this.   
> This is super heavy spoilers so yeah  
> Enjoy this angsty ficlet

The air was hot and sticky. Summer had long since descended into autumn but the weather had not seemed to have gotten the memo. As I lay in bed I was annoyed by this fact. Even with the bedroom windows open and air con circling throughout the compound I was still uncomfortably warm. Not that it mattered. The nights didn’t come easily to me as they once had, they were mostly filled with random activities that kept the cogs of my brain whirring well into the early hours interspersed with a disrupted hour or two of sleep when I was too exhausted to function.

Currently, I was sat in my bedroom on the chair by the window reading a book and allowing a stifled breeze to run slowly over me. I stared at the pages of the book that were illuminated by the low lamp light but I saw nothing. Though I could see the words sat on the page in front of me they made no sense as if they were of another language, and my brain couldn’t process any of them. After reading and rereading the same sentence at least three times I gave up and with a disgruntled scream, I threw the book on the floor where it landed with a clatter. Today had been particularly tough. 

Knowing I wouldn’t be able to relax in my current position I got up and headed downstairs. It was significantly cooler down here, even more so as I made my way down to the workroom, before proceeding to do what I had done for the past couple of weeks.   
‘JARVIS, lights please,’ I asked to the empty room. In a flash, the room came to life and the darkness was illuminated. I looked around the room. It was as it had been 6 months ago. A project that had been commenced in the early spring still lay on the work table in assorted bits and pieces. Wipe boards that stood on the other side of the workroom were covered in an untidy scrawl that depicted all the math needed for the venture. Tools littered the floor near a suit that had distracted Tony from his work as it needed repairing.   
Everything was untouched. Well almost. 

In the centre of the room was a makeshift bed. It was no more than dozens of pillows and blankets arranged in an untidy pile in the middle of the floor but nevertheless, it was what I needed right now. I moved towards it and dropped down slowly. I had found that moving around wasn’t as easy as it had once been but even though I had to take my time I was able to make myself comfortable nonetheless. Once situated I did as I always did.   
‘JARVIS,’ I said.  
‘Yes Miss,’ said the disembodied voice.   
‘Play the video,’ I whispered.  
‘Of course,’ JARVIS said.   
The lights dimmed and the room was only illuminated the various screens that made up most of the walls. The screen depicted the same room I was in. Though it was different, lighter somehow. The current mess was gone, replaced only with a different mess. 

‘JARVIS,’ said a suave voice, ‘JARVIS are we on?’  
‘Yes sir,’ JARVIS replied.  
‘Perfect,’ said Tony with a smile. He turned his back to the camera but kept talking. He had often done this when working on a new project. Bigger and more individual projects he kept to himself but ones he intended to sell on he made videos, like home movies, to showcase his methods. Though I always teased him it was more to show off. 

Even though the topic was sinfully boring I still found it to be the most interesting thing I’d ever listened to. His tone was cloaked in bravado, as it always was when he was showcasing his talents, but it hit my ear perfectly and as I listened I closed my eyes. JARVIS had altered the volume and tone perfectly, so much so it was like he was in the room. If I imagined hard enough I could smell his cologne, feel him moving around the around me. When the video was quiet when he was working, I could hear him breathe and I couldn’t help but feel tears sting in my eyes. A silent steady stream of tears spilled down the sides of my face, wetting my ears.

Suddenly I was pulled from my thoughts by an unfamiliar sound. Having watched this particular video hundreds of times I had it memorised, so any extra noise roused me. Pushing myself up on my elbows I opened my eyes and looked around. Stood by the glass door was Steve. The door had been moved open a smidge and I was unsure how long he had been watching me through the glass.   
‘Sorry,’ he said as he moved into the room. He remained by the door as I sat up further, heaving myself into a crossed legged position.   
‘It’s okay,’ I said hastily wiping my eyes. I felt embarrassed as if I had been caught in some lewd act. This was private. An intimate moment between Tony and I, and Steve lurking in the doorway felt intrusive.   
‘JARVIS turn it off,’ I whispered harshly. JARVIS obliged and the screen froze on a picture of Tony, wrench in his back pocket and his tongue poking out in concentration. 

‘You don’t have to…’ Steve said gesturing at the screen but I said nothing and only shook my head.  
‘What do you want Steve?’ I asked with a tone that made an attempt at sounding neutral but came out with an ice-cold edge.   
‘I woke up, heard a noise in your room…just wanted to check on you.’  
‘I dropped a book.’  
‘Oh, just worried it was…’  
‘What?’ I said trying to get my voice a shade lighter.   
‘The baby or something. I can leave, just so that I know you’re okay.’  
‘I’m fine.’   
‘Great,’ Steve said with a sad smile. He gestured to the door behind him and turned around heading towards the exit.

‘You don’t have to,’ I said. It was quiet and I doubted barely audible but Steve turned nevertheless and moved back into the room. I was unsure why. I didn’t particularly want him around. I didn’t want anyone around. I had spent six months distancing myself away from everyone in the compound, distancing myself from anyone that wasn’t Tony that I surprised myself at the invitation. 

Six months. Tony had been missing, presumed dead, for six months. Half of humanity had been gone for six months. 

I didn’t say anything as Steve moved into the room and headed to a stool near the edge of the room. Instead, I made a nonchalant noise and patted the floor beside me. He diverted his course with a smile and sat down beside me. The warmth of his body was a welcome comfort even though it wasn’t him I yearned for. 

‘You can turn it back on you know. I mean if you want to,’ he said in a bashful tone. I didn’t say anything, only nodded.  
‘Yeah,’ I replied in a whisper, ‘JARVIS on please.’

The screens illuminated and Tony moved from his paused position and kept working on the machine in front of him. Dumping the screwdriver he had been holding on the floor, he tapped at his watch for a few seconds. Steve and I watched transfixed. 

‘You’re gonna love this,’ he said cockily as he turned the machine on and it whirred to life.   
‘Show off,’ Steve whispered causing me to laugh. It was unreal. It crept up on me from an unknown place and came out as a full-blown giggle. I shocked Steve but after a minute he faltered and joined in with me. I surprised myself even more. As the laughter died down I felt a movement in my body and I looked down and clasped my swollen stomach. 

Steve’s laughter died down and he looked at me with a smile that turned to concern in a millisecond.   
‘I’m fine,’ I said, ‘honest, he’s just moving about.’  
‘He?’ Steve said with a questioning eyebrow.   
‘I think it’s a he. I think Tony would want a boy.’  
‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘probably. A little girl would have him around her little finger.’  
‘In a heartbeat,’ I said with a smile. The tears that I had wiped away in haste before came flooding back. I took an intake of breath to keep them from spilling over and I felt Steve’s arm circle my shoulder. 

‘You okay?’ he whispered.  
‘Yeah, I just… I can’t stop thinking about the day he went missing.’  
‘What about it?’   
‘We’d had such a great day. I had had it all planned. After a run in the park we were going to go for lunch and then when we got home I was going to show him the positive pregnancy tests I had taken the day before. On that run he had started talking, babbling really. He spoke of a dream and the idea of a baby and for a fraction of a second I thought he had found out.’  
‘Wouldn’t put it past Tony y’know,’ Steve chuckled.  
‘I know. But I don’t think he did. Anyway, he’ll never know now, will he? I mean after that Dr Strange showed up and Tony went full throttle as always.’   
‘He was doing what he thought was best.’  
‘I know. Doesn’t help me though does it?’ I asked pulling out of Steve’s grasp and looking at him angrily. This was why I had avoided everyone for six months. The fear of everything spilling out was all too real and I could feel anger boiling up inside me, ‘you know I didn’t even get to say goodbye. He just ran away to fight whatever danger was around and left me in the lurch.’  
‘You know that’s not true,’ Steve reasoned. His saddened blue eyes watched me intently but his gaze only fuelled my rage.   
‘No? When he wanted to become Iron Man I just had to follow his wishes. When he almost killed himself protecting earth from Thanos I had to watch from afar heartbroken. Battle after battle I stood by him. Watched his heartbreak over you and his parents and now. Now I need him and he’s not here. Now I’ve got to care for a baby all on my own whilst he’s God knows where. If he’s even alive that is. So yeah, it is true.’

Steve said nothing and I dropped my eyes to the ground as I fiddled with a blanket that was draped over my knees.   
‘You’re not the only one you know.’  
‘What?’ I asked angrily.  
‘You’re not the only one who was left. Half the people in the world were torn away from their families and friends. It’s not easy and I understand you need Tony right now, the baby needs Tony but you’re not alone. And let me tell you something, that spirit, that fight that Tony’s kept up over the years is one hell of a force. As someone who’s been on the receiving end, I can tell you that wholeheartedly,’ he chuckled, ‘so you can be sad and you can miss him but I’ll tell you one thing…’  
‘What?’   
‘If Tony is alive out there I know for a fact he’s trying his best to get back here. He fights for his family and I can tell you nothing’s going to stop him.’  
‘And if he’s dead. Like half the planet?’  
‘Then we fight on his behalf. We figure out how to bring Thanos down and restore everyone.’

I remained quiet for a minute unable to think of an appropriate response. Years of being around Tony and my own personality encouraged me to say something sarcastic but I figured I shouldn’t (something Tony was unable to do).

‘What if I can’t?’ I whispered, ‘what if it’s too hard?’  
‘You gotta,’ Steve said, ‘Tony never fought bad guys for himself. He did it for you, for us, his friends, family, the world. We got to do it for him. For the world. For your little man. For Tony.’

I sighed. My head was a crockpot of emotions but my anger had dissipated even more so when I heard Tony’s voice on the monitor.   
‘JARVIS, get Y/N down here. I want her to see this.’  
‘Yes, sir.’   
‘And turn the recording off.’

The lights dimmed slightly as the video faded to black but I could still see Steve who was watching me carefully.  
‘For Tony.’


End file.
